Well, it has been a while since I have been on here so I thought it was overdue. Going to do a little deep pondering today.
Time! Time is one of the most unique things in life we are given; and seemingly the most undervalued. It is a free commodity, it costs us nothing, yet it is the most priceless one there is. It is also irreplaceable; once gone, it is gone forever. How do you spend yours? Is each day one you can look back on with complete fulfillment? Probably not. It is the same for us all. The day consists mostly of the mundane; work, school, sleeping, chores, housework etc, but it is up to each of us to recognize the special moments when they happen. And they happen everyday, a lot. It could be an unexpected kindness from or for someone, a simple smile to a stranger, a hug from your children, the appreciation of a sunrise; these things are what make life precious.
Stop for a minute and look around right now. I bet each and every one of you can find something within your line of sight that gives the heart a smile or evokes a strong memory or emotion. Try for something other than a family member, that’s too easy. See it? Now look closer and focus on the emotion it raises; was it joy, sorrow,regret or something else? Now imagine that moment missed. I hope you find that hard to do because it is those moments and the emotions they give us that helps define our character. Part of what shaped us into who we are today.
We seem inclined to believe that we all have plenty of time, and most of the time that would be accurate. But do you capture those moments in time that truly matter or just overlook them? Maybe you were so preoccupied with something silly or stressful that you missed the sparkle that life sent your way, maybe even as a reminder to you to look for a little joy in the world every day. That’s what makes the difference; it is quality over quantity that makes for a great life.
The other common misconception people have about time is that it heals all wounds. It may be an old saying but it is far from accurate. From my experiences so far, and from discussions with other people I know who have been through similar life changing situations, it is bullshit. Time itself does not heal anything. What it does is give you the time(pun intended), and tools to learn to manage your own wounds, to accept them and live with them. Time itself is totally indifferent to suffering. All the progress you make is on your own. We all have help, whether it be family, friends, God, or whatever else you choose to believe; but at the end of the day it comes down to our own mindset and determination. We have to learn to live with it as best we are able, or else be consumed by it. As Andy says in The Shawshank Redemption. “I guess it comes down to a simple choice, really. Get busy living, or get busy dying!”
The other thing regarding time that has plagued my thoughts over recent months is how long must one grieve before it is acceptable to begin moving on? What does society deem appropriate? After being pointed in the direction by a few people I believe the answer is simple. It is different for everyone. The most important thing is that you, or myself in this particular case, are comfortable with the idea. And don’t give a rat’s ass about what other people will think about it; it is none of their damn business. I began contemplating the idea a couple of months back now but it took a while till it felt like it was ok.
Most of you know from earlier posts that Judy and I discussed this at length long before her passing. It was by far one of the most difficult conversations I have ever had, but we both knew where the road we were on was leading. Her wish for me was simple. Take the time you need to grieve but don’t let it rule your life; and then go and find happiness again. She made me promise that, so I did. Moving on does not mean I will forget Judy or every treasured moment we had together. Both the joy of her life and the pain of her loss will travel with me always and anyone who presumes to think otherwise can go pound sand.
So now I begin a new journey to who knows where. So I encourage you all; take an extra moment today to notice the birds singing, give your children an extra tight hug, let your friends know they are treasured and valued, anything at all that offers a special moment to yourself or another. Remember, yesterday is gone forever and tomorrow comes with no guarantee. Savor the time you have, today. Time to get busy living.